Poker funnies

There are some moments in life where people just cheer you up and make your day worth living. Today is one of those days. I just started playing heads-up limit tourney for fun. I am addicted to that game like any video game junkie to her Xbox. Against my friend JC, I played HORSE, Stud, Omaha H/L for $5 games. With other people, I only played limit hold'em tourneys anywhere from $5 to $100 heads-up, although most of the time it is $20 heads up. The monetary gain is too small; I play this for fun only.

Anyway, back to the person who made my day. I played $20 limit hold'em heads-up tourney with him. He is a pretty decent player. One of the better ones I've played. I won the game but that's not important. What's important is the fun I had exchanging some kindly and unkindly words with him. (Of course, I took the high road and didn't swear or slander at him but he's just equally mad with my Zen-like talk... haha). I find his anger mixed with tilt play and confusion ridiculously HILARIOUS. I'm anytwocanwin, he's Sunday8pm. Note [my comments go here]. Here goes:

Sunday8pm said, "SICK"
Sunday8pm said, "****ing moron"
anytwocanwin said, "what limit do u usually play in cash games?"
anytwocanwin said, "i think you're pretty good"
Sunday8pm said, "dont lick my *** please" [HILARIOUS!]
anytwocanwin said, "wow"

Sunday8pm said, "you **** the deck so badly"
Sunday8pm said, "sh1t"
anytwocanwin said, "i play at 10/20"
anytwocanwin said, "this is my fun game"
Sunday8pm said, "im sure your very great"
Sunday8pm said, "but you are a calling station"
Sunday8pm said, "and will never make money"
Sunday8pm said, "as long as theres a pair on board"
anytwocanwin said, "i'll explain everything later"
Sunday8pm said, "or you have ace high"
Sunday8pm said, "there is no way you pass"

Sunday8pm said, "nice catc"
Sunday8pm said, "95% you had flush draw"
anytwocanwin said, "your read is incorrect" [I had AcQs. I check raised flop of 7cQc9s. He reraised. I capped. Kc is the turn, I betted. He folded. I had top pair, not a flush draw on the flop]
Sunday8pm said, "i dont think so"
Sunday8pm said, "either that or JT"
anytwocanwin said, "that's your style maybe"
Sunday8pm said, "whats your style?"
Sunday8pm said, "just raise with top pair and better"
Sunday8pm said, "and call ANY pair or ace high"
anytwocanwin said, "i think u nailed it"

[I raised preflop with TQ spades. He reraised preflop as he usually does. I called.
Flop was Jc 4s As. He betted. I called. Turn was Tc. He checked. I betted for value, thinking I have the best hand at the moment because he doesn't have the Ace. He folded.]
Sunday8pm said, "jeez this is ****ing sick"
Sunday8pm said, "how many aces can you sh1t out in 1 game?"
Sunday8pm said, "SICK"
anytwocanwin said, "you shouldn't be tilting"
Sunday8pm said, "im not"
Sunday8pm said, "but your sh1tting the deck"
Sunday8pm said, "what the fk else can you do"
anytwocanwin said, "maybe i don't have an ace. maybe i just call to represent"
Sunday8pm said, "looool"
Sunday8pm said, "ive re raised you pre"
Sunday8pm said, "so im representing an ace by betting"
anytwocanwin said, "you've done that with T8 or 72"
Sunday8pm said, "so why would yu call to represent"
Sunday8pm said, "clueless fkwit"
Sunday8pm said, "im not educating you no more"
Sunday8pm said, "frankly embarassing having to educate you"
anytwocanwin said, "i'm sure you know stuff but i do know it too"

Sunday8pm said, "seriously this is sck"
Sunday8pm said, "sick"
Sunday8pm said, "seriously sick"
Sunday8pm said, "odds of you hittng top pair or better every time im betting is just sick"
Sunday8pm said, "passing a ten"

Sunday8pm said, "K2 clubs"
Sunday8pm said, "getting really sick"

Sunday8pm said, "A2"
anytwocanwin said, "you should understand how to play with position better"
Sunday8pm said, "seriosuly"
Sunday8pm said, "****"
Sunday8pm said, "ive played limit for 5 years"
anytwocanwin said, "same here since mar 01"
Sunday8pm said, "well thats embarassing how bad and lucky you are"
anytwocanwin said, "hehe"

Sunday8pm said, "A6"
Sunday8pm said, "why cant i sh1t out top pair every hand?"
Sunday8pm said, "looooool"

Sunday8pm said, "Q8"
Sunday8pm said, "sick sick sh1t"
anytwocanwin said, "if u play with anger, u can't win"
anytwocanwin said, "it controls u"
Sunday8pm said, "im not"
Sunday8pm said, "how do i beat you when every time im betting"
Sunday8pm said, "you flop top pair"
Sunday8pm said, "no fker in the world could beat you right now"
anytwocanwin said, "just be cool about it and focus on positions, starting hands, etc.."
Sunday8pm said, "because you have a deck stuck up your a55"
[In reality, most of the time I don't have a top pair. In fact, I missed the flop quite a lot. Chances of getting a pair on the flop is much lower than not getting. What I do reasonably well is bet in position (being the later guy to act), and getting away from hands that he played back or I have suspicion he has something]

[I raised preflop with K4. He reraised preflop. I was aware he'd reraise with anything. I called. Flop was T94. He betted. I called. Turn was Ace. He betted. I called. River was 6. He betted. I called. He had J8o. He had an open end str8 draw on the flop but missed his draw. I won sticking to my any pair rule. "Let the donkey do the pulling".]
Sunday8pm said, "loooooooll."
Sunday8pm said, "enough"
Sunday8pm said, "take my chips this is embarassing"
Sunday8pm said, "1. wtf you doing with bottom pair after raise and re raise pre"
Sunday8pm said, "2. i have 14 outs"
Sunday8pm said, "TWICE"
anytwocanwin said, "u should know your opponents and yourself well"
Sunday8pm said, "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU ON"
Sunday8pm said, "WHAT THE **** DID YOU PUT ME ON???????????"
Sunday8pm said, "SERIOUSLY"
Sunday8pm said, "WHAT THE ****"
Sunday8pm said, "EVEN AN ACE CAME"
Sunday8pm said, "**** ME"
anytwocanwin said, "also from matusow and caro "let the donkey do the pulling""
anytwocanwin said, "i'm not saying you're a donkey"
Sunday8pm said, "YOU ARE SICK IN THE HEAD"
anytwocanwin said, "but it's how i see playing limit" [heads-up limit I meant to say]
Sunday8pm said, "YOU ARE ILL"
Sunday8pm said, "SEE A DOCTOR"
anytwocanwin said, "i know u have a lot of moves up your sleave"
anytwocanwin said, "i'm impressed but i know those moves"
Sunday8pm said, "SPELL IT RIGHT YOU FKIN IMMIGRANT"
Sunday8pm said, "SLEEVE"
anytwocanwin said, "come on.. that's a word i rarely use."
Sunday8pm said, "I DONT GIVE 2 SH1TS"
anytwocanwin said, "not like i'm spelling "your" like you're"
Sunday8pm said, "GET ON WITH IT"

[He was all-in. But he won.]
Sunday8pm said, "WP"
Sunday8pm said, "GG"
anytwocanwin said, "u got this"
anytwocanwin said, "nice"

Sunday8pm said, "UN****INGREAL"
Sunday8pm said, "YOUR LUCK IS RIDICULOUSLY SICK"
Sunday8pm said, "SERIOUSLY"

[With little chips left, we raised back and forth, he was all-in preflop. I had K3 clubs. He had K6 spades. Likely a tie because of low kickers. Flop was Qc 2c 8d.]
Sunday8pm said, "I GIVE UP" [Turn was 6d. River was 8c.]
anytwocanwin said, "sorry"
anytwocanwin said, "gg"
Sunday8pm [observer]: WASTE OF ****ING TIME
Sunday8pm [observer]: I KNOW YOU GONA HIT IT
anytwocanwin [observer]: i'm 15 for 16 in heads up limit
anytwocanwin [observer]: just started
Sunday8pm [observer]: ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUSH HARD AND OUT IT WILL POP FROM YOUR BACKSIDE
Sunday8pm [observer]: I DONT GIVE A ****
Sunday8pm [observer]: YOU WERE WELL AND TRULY OUTPLAYED THAT GAME
anytwocanwin [observer]: lol
anytwocanwin [observer]: you didn't fool me
Sunday8pm [observer]: NOW GET BACK ON YOUR BANANA BOAT AND FK OFF BACK TO ASIA AND TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT
anytwocanwin [observer]: i seriously know to play with a ck raise on draws at the flop
Sunday8pm [observer]: USE THE $20 TO PHONE SOMEONE WHO CARES
anytwocanwin [observer]: etc...
anytwocanwin [observer]: i've seen it often
anytwocanwin [observer]: i'm doing this for fun...
anytwocanwin [observer]: ok back to 10/20